Revisit Past Dramas
Quarantine State of Mind7/19/2020 All right! I know, I haven't been writing in such a loooong time. Well, I was busy with my new job and am actually happy I got that job. So, what happened that made me go back to this um, state of consciousness? Well, the answer is 2020. Yes, 2020 came and it did not just come with a bang. It brought along change not only to me but also to the world. With the spread of the 2019 Novel Coronavirus infecting everyone in it's way with Covid- 19 you can definitely say that the world is never going to be the same.
So, what happened? Well, with the virus killing hundreds of thousands of people, the world decided to set a new standard of living or a new normal as everyone calls it. No one leaves their homes except when necessary, mandatory wearing of face masks, washing of hands, and my personal favorite social distancing. Yes, social distancing. It basically means you have to be about 6 feet away from another person if ever you'll go out the house. Now you may ask, how does one commute to work? The answer to that is, Work from Home scheme. Honestly, I love it. Imagine never gonna be able to see the faces of your officemates you don't want to see. Never waking up early just so you won't get caught up in the traffic, not having to dress up to work. It all really sounds wonderful. But, is it really? Like all things in life one can't just have it all, there are also downsides to this setup. Obviously, there are still people you would want to see, places to go, experiences you just can't have within the four walls of your house. With the new normal, you can only have these online. It really does take a toll on you in the long run. After all, there are still things you just can't do virtually. For now, all we can do is hope that everyone will come out of this pandemic as better individuals.
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Interview Diaries II: What was that?2/3/2018 Yes, the title was a question and it has a follow- up. It is "what exactly just happened between us?" Still no clue of where I am getting at? Oh well, here it is.
You know interviewers before they get hired are often asked if they know how to connect with applicants. I know this because with my "bitch face" everyone asks me this question. Maybe I am the only one asked that but it is an important skill. How else are you going to pry information you need from applicant? Anyways, some are good while some are bad at this. The bad ones that I have met made me felt like I am not a good enough person after the interview. Like I was lacking in some way, or I am not as good as I think I am, I would even sometimes feel like I am wasting their time showing up on my appointment. Then there are the good ones, I love talking to these people, and why not? Anyone that is going to make me feel like someone understands me or is curious about my vision, of the things that I believe in, I would definitely be speaking confidently about myself. They make you feel great about yourself after your interview. Want to meet these people? Well be careful, because they know how to crush dreams. Yes, they do know how to do it. They do it in such a way that you will be reeling from it all. You start thinking that the interview went well and you definitely have it in the bag, but days pass and you don't have a callback. You start wondering what you said wrong, asking yourself if you were too full of yourself, thinking if maybe during that lighthearted interview you forgot your place. Were you so close you forgot how to be professional? I may just sound as your typical- bitter- interviewee- who- didn't- pass, but you never know when it happens to you. It may even have happened, you just weren't aware. If that happens just know that you are not alone. Interview Diaries I: Facing the Judges1/26/2018 As a person who is very picky about which job i'll end up doing, I think I can confidently say that I have been to a lot of job interviews. This is a brief description of interviewers that I have encountered. Yes, I did liken interviewers to judges. Well, they are there to judge if you are the right person to do the job that needs doing. That is what they are paid to do. Somehow some just take it a little too far. You may agree or disagree all you want, this is just about me judging the people assigned to judge me.
My first interview for my first job was a disaster. I ended up crying on the way home, I probably was just was too weak or emotional or whatever. Here's what happened. I was asked a basic question, the why-should-we-hire-you-from-the-other-fresh-graduates question. I didn't know what to say, but I did still try to say something. Unfortunately, my eyes started to water from frustration over the situation, made worse by the interviewer who pointed it out and I told her it was nothing. I did end up really crying because of embarrassment. I was told then that they do not think I will be able to handle office stress because of that little scene. I proved them wrong of course because I have worked with children with learning disabilities, irate customers, and supervisors who hate the word no. Fast forward to now, there was one interviewer I did not like talking to because he questioned every tiny thing. Like why I was still single, how I came to live where currently live, why we have 2 houses. Like dude, wtf back off. He didn't even bother explaining why he needed to know these things. There were also those who love asking why there was a huge gap between my employment. I mean I do get why they need to ask that, what I do not get is, why I feel like they are judging me negatively once they hear the answer to that question. Is it really wrong for me to be picky on the path that I take? Is it really hard to believe that the job that I am looking for is hard to find? Haven't they heard that unemployment is on the rise because some jobs are just not available to some people? Don't get me wrong but there are actually interviewers that are good with making an applicant feel at ease. Interviewers who won't give you a feeling of dissatisfaction with yourself. People ho won't belittle your achievements that are not so little to you. It's just a matter of chance encounter. The Hardest Word1/19/2018 In the words of Elton John " Sorry seems to be the hardest word". Is it really? What makes it the hardest word? I disagree on this actually, I think "sorry" is one of the easiest words to say. How? I have heard people say sorry a lot of times. I actually am tired of hearing this, it just sounds so empty to me. I have seen people(me included) say this when they do something wrong and just do it all over again(whether intentional or accidental). I know some people say sorry just to end a conversation or an argument.
So how do we properly do it? How do we say sorry for the things we do not mean to do? How do we tell another person that they do not need to be offended or get hurt by our actions? Unfortunately, there is no standard way of doing it other than plainly saying it(with matching facial expressions maybe?). Not all of us are good with showing our emotions, I know. We can also show that we are sorry through our actions. By making a more conscious effort of trying not to offend others. By being more understanding, by showing others that we are trying to better ourselves. Remember actions speak louder than words, although it doesn't mean you really won't say it. Others still might need to hear it, but when you feel like your words are not enough then act on your guilty feelings. Show that you felt guilty and are in the process of bettering yourself. Once Upon a December12/23/2017 It has been years, and yet the changes are still permanent. Others may be excited about the prospect of the oncoming holiday cheer. But not me, the holidays have a different effect on me. Others feel happiness, I feel an onslaught of pain.
It has always been like this for me ever since. I thought it will be gone soon, this feeling of pain brought about by memories I thought were long gone. For eleven months I feel no pain, no emotion except for one month, December. This is the month I fear the most. The only time of the year that I feel everything, The only month I get to have feelings. Suddenly I would feel love for friends, family, and even strangers, pain from old wounds resurface. December is the time of the year I suffer quietly alone. I know it's strange for me to feel this way. I didn't want it to be this way either, it just happened. What am I to do? No one will understand this personal struggle, not even me. It's very dangerous to have these thoughts I know. Unfortunately, all I could do is hope that December ends as fast as it can. Square One10/4/2017 Yes, after almost three years I am officially back to where I started many moons ago. So much has changed, and a lot more that stayed constant. So many memories that will now remain as memories. Days have gone by, some so mundane I can't even remember where they went. Even hard days are a thing of the past I couldn't even recall why I had such a hard time before. Most importantly, I still feel like the old me.
I guess one really goes through it. One day you think you know you can do anything, or nobody can stop you. The next day, you stop and look around if where you are is all there is to see. It's scary and confusing when you look at it on all sides. You either are so comfortable on your own little world you hesitate to step out, or you just didn't want to start all over again because you've been blinded by all the hard work you put on. There might also be times where, you think you are over thinking. I did have hard time deciding of course, so many factors to think about. So many voices all too eager to guide me, tell me which path I should take, remind me other consequences they do not know I'm willing to go through. In the end of course, I won. That is to say. I was the one who decided on my path. Not based on what others thought I should do, but based on what I wanted to do. This is my life I'm living, and this is how I decide. It is based on what I want to do, and what I want to learn more in life. I stood up for whatever I believe my life should be led, and so far others have been telling me it was a good decision. I did not need anyone's confirmation if I did the right thing, but out course, the validation felt good. If the day should come that I would be encountering consequences, then I'll still be standing by my decision patiently waiting for my time. Summer Siren Festival 2016: The Plan3/13/2017 Hmm, Uhmm, sooo how did I end up attending this festival again. Lemme just try to... Oh there, My veteran music festival friend, whom we'll name Angel. She was the one who was really excited about this event. She told me one of her friends attended in one before and now she wants to try too. Summer Siren festival is a 3- day beach party event held usually in Zambales. I can definitely see where the excitement is coming from, I mean why not right? It's the most summer thing to do in the summer.
I never really heard anything from Angel in the months leading to event which happened in April. When I saw their Facebook page, that was all I was seeing, It was a good strategy because I soon found myself wanting to go there too. So, I discreetly asked Angel if she had any plans of going, to which she answered negatively. I decided then to go alone. I planned everything; how and when to pay for the trip, I'd already asked a friend who has already gone to Crystal Beach(the supposed venue), an estimate on how much I would be expecting to allot for food. But of course, you cannot keep a secret from your friends, especially if you are wayy obvious or if they are just plain good at snooping through your usually messy things. I just came from the washroom when I caught her snooping through my office desk asking me where my 5k php is going. I, of, course didn't know what she was talking about(for real!) She had to hold up the bank deposit slip I left lying around to make me understand what she was talking about. She handled, it well, very excited for me and at the same time worried that I will be going alone. Social Media Butterfly7/13/2016 Social Media- this is one compound word only newborns (unless for some reason you live somewhere off the grid, so to speak) are unaware of.. I'm pretty sure even toddlers have an idea or have even used social media even if they are completely unaware of it.
I've always thought I have no use for social media, just because of who I am as a person. I maintain two though, one to update myself on upcoming sales and promos of brands I support, the other for work related stuff. I've steered clear of Twitter& Instagram just 'coz I know I would just be pressured to update these platforms. Then came Snapchat, I was just forced to create one& out of boredom I gave in. It wasn't very long before I found myself hooked. Imagine a place where I can make silly faces all day with no one judging me because everyone's doing it anyway. Then the sweet surprise that springs from the fact that what you posted will disappear in 24 hours. Plus the happiness (don't know bout you) that I feel every time I get a new trophy. Chatting with friends is a challenge though as everything also disappears once you exit the chat window. But who cares no big deal, all I know is I can't get enough of this platform. After Ink3/27/2016 Here are things I definitely went through after getting a tattoo:
1. The struggle of trying not to touch it. 2. It was so damn itchy. 3. It was hard to dress up, tight clothes meant it's going to graze on your itchy still healing skin, loose clothes meant the same thing. 4. Feeling happy 'coz your skin isn't itch anymore and at the same time missing the itchy feeling. 5. Wanting to flaunt my tattoo, yet I know no parental figure nor babbling person should see it. 6. Making sure to grab any chance of capturing my tatt in a picture. Inked3/26/2016 I remember when I was about 4, my dad's tattoo fascinated me so much I wanted one myself. I can't remember how many times I asked him how much and who did his ink so I can do it too. Fast forward to many years ahead, I have been going back and forth on whether I really should get a tattoo. My vain self doesn't want one because, it would ruin my clear skin. While my other self wants one out of jealousy of my dad's tat.
That was how I spent the months leading to when I gt inked, going back and forth on whether I should get one, thinking of what design I should get, and where should I place it. I have been randomly doodling when I found myself forming the design, which was supposed to be my watermark for whatever. I was trying to put my initials together then enclosing it in a heart shape. It just didn't loo right so I tried enclosing it in an oval. The rune like effect of it pleased me so I practiced until I was satisfied with my consistency in drawing it. As for the placement, it was actually those times when I became obsessed with wearing camis. I've always imagined seeing my still non-existent tattoo somewhere behind my back, just peeking though a little bit through the thin straps. I was supposed to get inked the day I turned legal, but the tattoo shop recommended to me forgot that I had an appointment with them. So I thought maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Of course, it doesn't work like that for me. What I want I will get even if it takes years for me to get it. So I went to this tattoo convention sometime September, thinking i'll just pop in see if I can find a studio somewhere near where I work for convenience. Still, I ended up getting inked right than and there, missing my chance to see the Maria Ozawa in the flesh. The experience was definitely crazy, there I was on the chair, not breathing in anticipation of the pain associated with getting inked, and at the same reminding myself to breathe because I heard breathing eases pain. I was also not trying to move too much because any mistake is, well, irreversible. It was fine though, like it literally felt like a hundred tiny red ants were biting me all at the same time. After the session I thought, my facials were definitely worse than this. I was so proud of that moment that I of course, wanna do it again. But in a few more years. I don't know why but after that moment I now felt like i'm a badass bitch. It was an experience definitely worth the wait. AuthorShe thinks she is an incredible writer. This space's purpose is just to have a place where she could dump the garbage on her mind without her mother's snooping. Archives
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